my computer just does not allow me to type chinese.
--

OKAY.

i said when i feel kinda jealous about it, i know it is time for me to step back and leave you.
i thought i m open-minded enough to accept this friendship, unfortunately, i am not sophisticated enough.

maybe i would just leave.

I do not want anymore than I have from you now,
it is because I am a hopeless pessimist who have no confidence in persistant devotion.

我以為我終於學會如何放手.
聽見真相之後, 我禁不住跟V說,

' 我對她真的很失望. 因為你嬲一個人, 總會一天會放下她說過的話和做過的事. 但若果你對一個人失望, 便是死心, 沒有轉彎的餘地. '

V說, ' 對呀, 她是如此不堪的話, 又何苦勉強自己去資繼續和她做朋友呢. '

' 嗯. '

想不到一星期之後, 我仍然和她在說話.
連我自己也不能相信, 她的說話如此惡劣. 我還會真誠的去當她做我的朋友.
我不是大量, 只是忘不了她對過我的好.

忘不了, 你那一晚對我的支持.
但當你繪形繪聲數落我的時候, 你又有想起過我的好 ?

If i am strong enough to resist your call or message, i think i would choose to leave permanantly.
It is not because you have done anything wrong, it is because you are such a big influence to my life and nothing can be altered since my situation does not allow me to ask anything more from you to secure my feeling.

how much effort should be put into a relationship that is reagarded as appropriate?

If the world is going to end in 2012,
what would i want to do before i die?

possibilities :

1) give up my study
2) travel around the world
3) Eat everything that i want to
4) Hug every person i know
5) Tell the person i love and ask her to stay with me for the rest of time
6) Not to argue with anyone
7) Makesure the day will come before i do all things that listed above.



--

Feeling a lot better today.
I really hope its merely a random emotion down turn.

i dun know, but it is good for me.
This is the best situation that i can get.

My dear.

It is just too messy to be expressed.

--

i have a lot to pour out.
i wanna tell you i dreamt of you and her.
You went away with her and left me in the dark.
i realize how much i wish you to be with me now and how insecure i feel in order to have this dream.
But it is such a sarcastic situation as well, i just do not have qualification to claim i do not feel secure and you should show more concern to me. i know you have been trying so hard. i just do not when i will be able to regain my confidence from the last experience.

Sigh.

i thought i am such a strong independent girl, i am just a little bird which needs a lot of love and concern so as to fly high.

你不在

演唱：王力宏　作詞：李焯雄/陳鎮川　作曲：王力宏　

當世界只剩下這床頭燈　你那邊是早晨已經出門
我側身感到你在轉身　無數陌生人正在等下一個綠燈
一再錯身彼此脆弱的時分　如果渴望一個吻的餘溫
我關了燈黑暗把我拼吞 wo


你不在　當我最需要愛　你卻不在 wo
無盡等待像獨白的難挨 wo
你不在　高興還是悲哀　你都不在
我受了傷在偷偷好起來　但你不在　不在


時間再按下許多次快門　沉默裡聽見轉動的秒針
一個人吃飯這個凌晨　孤單一人份　你低聲說你有別人
我的話筒只有自己的體溫　怎樣認真也不一定成真
你說的對　我不得不承認 wo


你不在　當我最需要愛　你卻不在 wo
無盡等待像獨白的難挨 wo
你不在　高興還是悲哀　你都不在 wo
我受了傷再偷偷好起來　但你不在 wo

那些搖擺　我都明白　都明白
但你不在　愛已不在　不在

你不在　當我最需要愛　你卻不在 wo
一個人分飾兩角的戀愛 wo
你不在　高興還是悲哀　你都不在 wo

像空氣般不存在　再沒有痕跡的愛
你不在　當我需要你的愛　你不在

安全感

你有能力的話, 請你送我安全感.
至於自己, 我也許更需要的是自信.

從前成績不算好但起碼英文也給予我一定的自信.
但現在身處的地方, 英文好也不過是一票入場卷.
再者, 到了澳洲就更發現自己英文只是不過不失.

你也許可以說我是一個獸醫學生, 腦袋也不會太差吧.
由此至終我都是認為運氣推了我一把,
把我擠進了聰明人的世界.

這個不屬於我的世界,
委實帶不了我安全感.

--

世界上只剩下兩件事能給予我自信.
繪畫和攝影.

但可憐我每次踏進攝影棚前我也不禁在想
只靠直覺去按快門的我
如若直覺失效, 我還剩下甚麼.

這麼一個人, 還剩下甚麼.